*cues up Jerry Seinfeld voice*
What is it with these athletes and four wheeled transportation these days?
You’ve got Jacoby Jones getting bonked over the head with a bottle of Ace of Spades on a party bus by a stripper named Sweet Pea,
Nate Burleson broke his arm in 2 places after being distracted by 2 pizza boxes sliding off of his passenger seat while driving home from watching Monday Night Football.
And the capper…Aldon Smith…Whew. What a day for this guy.
Crashed his truck into a tree last Friday around 7AM, about a half hour away from the Niners complex, with his B.A.C. twice the legal limit, with the engine still racing, seemlingly asleep @ the wheel. Plus there was hashish in the car. SMH.
Him playing on Sunday without suspension and then heading off to rehab without a suspension or fine is a debate for another day…
Let’s get down to bidness and worry about this BREAKDOWN!!!
We had a weird week with the scoring where only a couple of teams really kept up the trend of piling up points whereas the rest of the league reverted back to the old ways, barely clearing 130. And in some cases, barely clearing 100!
We might as well start off our breakdowns with a healthy wholesome breakfast. The most important meal of the day, am i right? That’s what our parental units kept drilling into our heads from a young age so…who am I to deviate from their script?
LXG apparently wanted seconds so he’s been bestowed with TWO Continental Breakfasts this week!
Hakeem Nicks is responsible for the first one, getting neutralized by that vaunted Carolina secondary….SMH….and the second one was definitely manager error. Not checking up on Vernon Davis’s gimpy hamstring prior to gametime cost him production.
The rest of his team provided solid production but they didn’t all score up to projections this week and that was costly.
The Other Guys didn’t exactly blow LXG out of the water. Aaron Rodgers had a subpar performance versus a tough Cincy D and underperformed in a lot of slots. But his team’s special team unit performed admirably and Antonio Brown provided most of the margin of victory this week, racking up a 40 spot in the Sunday night matchup versus the Bears.
That makes it 3 in a row for him and he’s looking sharp going forward….
Continuing with the unbeaten them, G.O.M.A.B. scratched and clawed his way to a win versus a Mash Out Posse squad who had more singles in his lineup than a rapper at a strip club.
G.O.M.A.B. got a 1 from Andre Roberts, single digits from some marquee names (Andre Johnson, Tony Gonzalez and Mike Wallace) and had a 20 from the QB spot, which isn’t enough in this league on most weeks to get a W.
But Mash Out had a lot of suspect performances this week. Eddie Royal came crashing back down to earth, Beast Mode didn’t have to do too much verus the Jags, Victor Cruz also got shut down by the vaunted Panther secondary, and Knowshon apparently didn’t know he was playing the bum Raiders But his biggest concern so far has to be his starting QB, Colin Kaepernick. Back to back 3’s (pause no Steph Curry)
is not indicative of Colin’s talent as a QB but those numbers can not instill too much confidence going forward….
Switching gears for a minute..
Let’s give props to Man With The Moat for getting off the schneid vs On 3 Ready Break. She got off to a good start on Thursday with a 30 from Jamaal Charles Superstar and thanks to a midweek trade, finished up strong with Wes Welkah putting up numbahs versus the Raidahs…
Now her team has cornered the market on gritty, gutty, scrappy receivers and that may be a problem for the rest of the league going forward….All that scrap, that grit….
On 3 did what could be done with his roster but had a few under-projection performances from key members of the team. That 1 from Dwayne Bowe last Thursday was a bad first step and you never really recovered after that. Switching to a 4WR/2TE scheme didn’t give you the results you were looking for. Those RB injuries could hamper for the short term…
Let’s move onto the 2 blowouts of the week.
Van Damage’s team was drinking sake on a Suzuki in Osaka Bay this week because they were Down and Out
…..Killa got back on his grizzle, slicing and dicing that subpar NYG defense, Julio Jones got a 20 burger…and then it was off the rails from that point forward…no amount of bench production could’ve saved him on this one..
18-1’s Peyton Manning and Demaryius Thomas combo pack is wreaking havoc this year and it’s not looking like a fair fight for the rest of the league…Peyton is out here making it thunderstorm like he’s personally trying to recreate the former glory of the 2007 Patriots all by himself…SMH…Also adding to the 72 point beatdown was the resurrection of Demarco Murray (although he has a history of running past the Rams) and Josh Gordon acting like the Kool Aid Man
Brian Hoyer looked like early Jake Delhomme out there, making all the throws all over those bum ass Vikings.
(What’s the point of having big corners if all you’re going to have them do is bite on every route, Leslie Frazier???)
and lastly but not least.
My absolute Demolition this week…no Mr. Fuji
I had all the names in there. Felt like I made all the right calls this week. Joique Bell barreled his way to a 22. Jordy Nelson got busy versus the Bengals, looking like the newest version of Cris Carter (yeah, I said it!), Dez pushed his way to 13 points and Larry Fitz got me double digits…After that? A Laydown
Ike Turner got a hold of me and gave me the business
then got the People’s Elbow
Long story short (since I don’t want to fill your reading experience with GIFs)
I caught that L.
Drew Brees and Jimmy Graham had their way with me, early and often. Consent was unnecessary. They were taking whatever they wanted…the damn savages!
Drew decided to become Archie Manning for a week with a RUSHING TD and some sort of run game….WTF. And those Arizona LBs were out there twiddling their thumbs while Jimmy pranced his way to 134 yards…
EIGHTY-THREE POINTS BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM. EIGHTY THREE!
Then we toss in the other light-skinned demon, Jordan Cameron…who dropped a fresh 30 burger on my neck…what chance did I really have?
Those 3 players alone beat my whole team!
There are way to get your first win but man…this was an epic beatdown. scoring almost 200 should definitely provide you with that momentum going forward….Glad to be the springboard/stepping stone!
Definitely dropping bombs on this league similar to a certain Dungeon Family duo…
And with that ends another week of fantasy football.
A quick look @ Week 4’s matchups:
This should definitely be a good week of matchups
LXG and On 3 battle it out for by Manhattan Beach bragging rights .
18-1 and The Other Guys in the battle for Queens bragging rights.
Give Me Some Room takes on Mash Out Posse for ownership of Brooklyn.
Van Damage versus Absolute Chaos for the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway
and Man with the Moat vs G.O.M.A.B. pits godmother versus biological in the A$AP Ferg battle….
The undefeated look to stay that way.
the 1-2’s look to climb back up to .500
the 2-1’s look to keep it going and avoid .500
AND WE’RE STARTING BYE WEEK SEASON!!!
And with that, we reach the end of another blog post, full of wit, mirth and humorous tidbits. Let’s keep the competition fierce, the waiver wire pickups plentiful and the trade offers fair and equal, unless someone out there offers you a beaut that you just can’t pass up!
Until next week, folks!