This week is not going to be easy to write about….
I mean…It will be easy to write about because I can come up with PLENTY of things to write about but it’s just my week 5 outcome….so tough to take considering I got my emotions involved…with the New York Jets…I should’ve known better…but, alas. I got caught up, emotionally invested and Mark Sanchez and Co. went and broke my heart….Le sigh….
ONTO THE BREAKDOWN!!! (It might be a mental one soon enough!!)
Let’s get the heartbreak out of the way now….That way I can focus on the happier, funnier things….
The Toni Braxton Melodramatic Music Award goes to me…An unprecedented 2 weeks straight for the commish..
Can’t someone out there un-break my heart? Or will the remaining weeks of the fantasy season have me feeling like Tyson Beckford doing a front flip over a yellow Cadillac???
Let’s set the scene, shall we?
I’m up 8 points going into Monday’s matchup, expecting a quick and painless death by the end of the 1st quarter. The Texans should blow the Jets out of the water and even if Gang Green decides to show up, put up some points and make a game of it, Cromartie can’t cover Andre Johnson one-on-one….right? Even if they don’t take a shot deep, I’m expecting them to give him a red zone TD toss on a double move, an out and up…..some kind of slant over the middle…SOMETHING!
So the game starts and Curb’s already ahead due to the obligatory free 10 points the defense gets for just starting the game. Matt Schaub leads the Texan offense down the field like a hot knife through butter. Owen Daniels WIDE open on a post route over the middle…roasted Antonio “Big Love” Cromartie like a chicken…so all is right in the world…..The Jets 1st possession was basically a 3 and out so the Texans get the ball again and I’m expecting them to take a 14 point lead. 10 at the slightest considering what they did in the 1st drive. 5 plays later, it’s 4th and 13 and I smell something’s up. The Texans are gonna let the Jets hang around here…
Next thing you know, the Jets have tied the game up on a perfect strike from Sanchez to the Cumberland Gap and I’m a little excited. Just a little bit. Considering that the Jets aren’t going to be blown out the water, all they had to do was limit turnovers against an aggressive Wade Phillips defense….I’ll admit I didn’t have much faith there but it grew as the game went on.
Where was Andre J, you ask? Dropping passes, running out of bounds after incompletions, getting draped up by Cro-Mart and basically standing on the sidelines with a helmet on. Schaub tried to force the ball to Andre once and Cro-Mart got him for a pick snack and I find myself cheering! WTF?!? Why am I emotionally invested in what the Jets do when I know they’re going to lose here? WHAT’S GOING ON!!!!???!!! Is it an episode of the Twilight Zone??
Let’s fast forward to the 4th quarter. Arian Foster’s carved up the Jet front seven but the Green Gang has made a game of it. 23-17 and we’ve got a game late…And I’m currently winning the matchup by 3-4 points because Andre Johnson is no where to be found AND the Jets have put points up. ACTUAL POINTS! Yeah they’re pulling every trick in the book out but hell, they’re trying!
The Jets get the ball with 3:28 to go and I’ve got dread in my heart. I expect the Jets to screw the pooch but I’m wondering how they’ll do it. Considering they’ve been competent for most of the game and not loose with the pigskin, I’ll allow a few sacks but maybe they might get the ball down the field, get into the redzone, throw the ball out the back of the end zone a few times and have their 4th down throw fall incomplete….
Sanchez completes a couple of passes and I’m feeling good. He gets sacked once…and I’m like okay….that ties up the matchup….I can mentally accept a tie…I’m making peace with it..
You already know how this story’s gonna go….
The ball gets thrown to the Cumberland Gap and the ball goes right through his fingers, off his shoulder/face mask, up into the air and into the hands of a Texan defender because the Jets were too hasty to wait for the 2 minute warning and wanted to get a play off….
And all that’s going through my head is….
I caught the L by 2 POINTS. That’s what I get for hitching my wagon to the Jets….Those mofos find a way to disappoint you like an unreliable family member who says they’re coming to take you to the mall to go see a movie, shop for toys and buy you shoes yet when that day comes, they just can’t make it…….
Let’s see what Week 6 has in store for me, huh?
Let’s talk about some of these butt whoopings…I seeing people getting beat by 95 or some people not even clearing 75! WHAT UP WITH THAT?
It’s looking like this out there in these fantasy streets!!!
Suicide Kings stomped out the Dawg Pound like Killa Cam did them Falcons in Week 4
218 points??? IS THAT SOME SORT OF RECORD? (It is, coincedentally….highest scoring output in our league’s history)
It was a total team effort. A Perfect Storm without the wild winds, flooded boat and Caucasian Men in ponchos….Peyton Manning chucking it up in basura time, Brandon Marshall , Percy Harvin AND Tony G putting up 30s, and a Chicago defense scoring 2 times against the bum ass Jaguars….What can you do? Sorry about Boo Boo Benson though…all that pressure to carry the Green Bay run game must’ve gotten to his LisFranc…
AND this is all done without the services of MEGATRON and Lance Moore??
Dawg Pound, you did what you could. 123 points isn’t too bad. You got good production across the board, but a few underperformers cost you a shot. Jordy, Hartline and Gronkowski…that’s what what you get for putting faith in white skill players….
Onto X-Men vs On 3…..Ye gods man….
X-Men got a WHALE of a game from Eli and Victor versus the bungling Browns and everyone else chipped in with high double digits so On 3 would’ve had to be on his A game to make this work out….
BUT uh…dog….75 points? And that’s with Arian Foster lighting up the Jets for 23 fantasy pts?
This isn’t an indictment of you as a manager…..there was no way to avoid this nightmare of an output considering the whole team laid an egg, collectively. Like in unison, in stereo, with the efficiency of a choir director and his choir….DAMN…..I won’t run through the names of who did you wrong but there are a lot of big names out there who are not providing you with the production you need to survive right now. You’ve got good players…they just have to do their part…And right now, some of them?
THE MOST EXCITING GAME/MATCHUP OF THE WEEK !!!!
Absolute Chaos vs EasyBreesy was an amazing finish….
The matchup was close late, 84-83, with Absolute Chaos up by 1, going into the Sunday night game. EasyBreesy had Drew Brees, Pierre Thomas and the Saints kicker…whilst Absolute Chaos had Philip Rivers and Marques Colston rocking in his starting lineup….It was a tough battle, back and forth…But it seemed that everytime Brees needed a big play, a 1st down or even a TOUCHDOWN, Colston was the one doing the catching….What can you do??? Hard fought, tooth and nail, but Ab-soul comes out on top with the win…
There was another matchup (LXG vs 18-1) but it didn’t have that much narrative behind it. Cam Newton got 18-1 a TWO but he still managed another 156 points from the rest of the squad, including a career day from Ahmad Bradshaw. LXG got one hell of a day from Trent Richardson, AJ Green and Stevan Ridley….but Jimmy Graham’s solitary point cost LXG a chance @ victory. He did catch an ankle injury….what can you do?
Alright people – week 5 is in the libros…
I think we’ve all seen so far that these new positional rule changes have bumped up the scoring in a major way. 150 points isn’t a given to win a THING anymore. Teams are scoring 200 plus like it’s nothing…Anything less than 140 and you could be BLOWN OUT like cheap tires over a spike strip…Scoring is the name of the game, win lose or draw and as long as the numbers are high, you’ve got a shot going forward….But it’s not going to be easy to score big all bye week season. Players are underperforming and leaving opportunities out on the field…It’s only going to get crazier from here!!!
And with that, we reach the end of another blog post, full of wit, mirth and humorous tidbits. Let’s keep the competition fierce, the waiver wire pickups plentiful and the trade offers fair and equal, unless someone out there offers you a beaut that you just can’t pass up!
Until next week, folks!